Garbage Man and Cheeseburger are the manliest men on punkboard, Ali wins congeniality award

Longtime punkboard contest-holder worry opened a new punkboard contest on October 5th, the first annual Manliness contest. Here’s the information:

Premise: Whoever performs the single most manly act between 9:00PM Sunday, October 5 through 11:59PM Friday, October 10 will win The Manliness Contest.

Prize: The Grand Prize is the absolute right to have sex with ANY female who regularly posts on thepunkboard.com/ within a two-hour period chosen by the winner. The caveat is that the female must have posted at least once within the contest period, but other than that the choice is completely yours.

Basic Rules:
1. Must be 18 years of age or older (sorry NiMRoD420).
2. Must have 500 posts or above before the start of the contest.
3. Contest sponsor not responsible for cost or transportation or anything else.
4. Tim Osmond and Prettygood are banned for having sex with Spindler.
5. In the unlikely event The Silver Snakes wins, he must be sheathed in at least two condoms at any level of penetration.
6. Contest Winner chooses the time and place of prize satisfaction, and has a two hour window to complete any and all desired copulation. Exception: The female can veto the time/place in the case of a verifiable emergency (previous sex engagements do not count as an emergency).

Disclaimers: 1. If you choose for instance Miss Darling, contest sponsors are not responsible for any damage to you (up to and including death) that results. 2. Entrants should assume penis size/performance level can and will be revealed on the board by the lucky female. 3. Your decision is final. If you happen to choose a female who has given birth or worse, no retractions/rebates will be made due to prolapse/floppy vagina, stretch marks, grooming habits (other than hygiene), or disgusting tattoo locations.

Special Exception: If for some reason Spindler is the only female to post within the contest period, all entrants may remove their entries for consideration. No questions asked.

Good luck!

One of the most wtf posts and subsequent replies involve Chris Squire literally fucking the shit out of a girl (scroll down)…and by literally I mean feces on bed. She should have known better.

Cheeseburger tied with Garbage Man for one of the longest posts in punkboard history, a post in which he calls every man in that thread a faggot. Heres a cold one buddy!

Garbage Man won for riding and fixing his motorcycles. :tup: buddy!

Heres the exciting conclusion to the Manliness Contest:

It was a tough race. Many displays of machismo and anti-machismo. Wrangler disgusted a whole generation of punk boarders with his tales of debauchery. Karl called out every single dude in a strong display combining fearlessness and geographic distance. Garbage Man continues his impressive run of motorcycle riding, building, and overall hard work. Ali bought a bike, hosed it off, and stuck it in his garage with the rest like a candy ass pansy with no cojones. Krap Nek proved there are many ways to be manly, just in time for National Coming Out Day, while StevePirates showed there are numerous ways to be completely the opposite of a man.

There were some disappointments as well: Though it’s obviously manly to destroy a woman emotionally, Wake Up Call focused too much on Spindler and was disqualified, as she’s not technically a woman in any sense our judges recognize. Meanwhile, dark horse candidates like dustin and derek spent all week talking about computers like a couple of Shia LeBeoufs…SnakeyDave went on his hiking trip a week too early to count…and the detective didn’t even get a girl pregnant this week.

Ultimately, like Project Runway keeps doing season after season, the rules have to be bent a little to recognize the quality of the candidates:

1st Place Co-Winners: Garbage Man and Cheeseburger
Runner Up: Krap Nek
Miss Congeniality: Ali

First Prize: in this unique circumstance, both Garbage Man and Cheeseburger get the full prize — choose any female who has posted on the board in the contest period, and have your way with her for two hours. All eligible females must comply, as stated in the contest rules. One new caveat for special circumstances: winners can choose the same female, but cannot enforce any overlap in their two-hour periods in an attempt to cross swords.

Runner-up Prize: a 15 minute BJ from any of the females not chosen by the Co-Winners.

Miss Congeniality: No prize.

Satisfied? Angry? “Indifferent”/Jealous? Feel free to discuss the results in this thread.